The moral of the story:
If you're a boring person you need a makeover to turn you into an interesting one.
If you're completely unsuccessful with people, you need your brother to make you cool.
Guys with knowledge of literature are hot.
Writing about how you've never been kissed in a newspaper is a stupid embarrassing thing to do. (A good thing to remember)
I'm afraid this entry may have been slightly tongue in cheek. Ah well.